Cabbage Patch Snacktime Doll

Have you ever seen one of the Child's Play movies about the terrifying toy Chuckie and his desire to murder? Chuckie is nothing compared to the Cabbage Patch Snacktime Doll because, while Chuckie is a cool figure, he isn't real and doesn't gnaw on young children's fingers and hair. On the surface, it's a pretty cool doll—you feed it vegetables and French fries, and it constantly crunches them down into its tummy. It's certainly preferable to those dolls that wet and poo themselves.

These Cabbage Patch dolls are voracious, thus they never stop munching, unlike those incontinent little bastards. That's when it goes from cute to terrifying, since several incidences have surfaced in which the doll has gotten a hold of a little girl's hair and chomped on it until it was torn clean out of her scalp. Little girls adore their hair, so that's bad enough, but those unfortunate kids who got their fingers hooked in those ravenous jaws might never be able to feed a real baby again.